Why a simple photo took me weeks

Today I uploaded a headshot I should have taken weeks ago onto Instagram. I’d been avoiding it, but I needed something for a networking function and my last professional photo was taken during a mid-life crisis where I dyed my hair purple to embrace my inner emo.

For some reason, getting a new headshot had become this big event in my head. I needed to have my freshly coiffed hair, perfect make-up, the right lighting, and probably some retouching for those crows feet... And so, it just didn’t happen. 

It had been weighing on me, but I couldn't bring myself to just take the photo.

This hesitation isn’t a surprise for anyone who is more used to being behind the camera than in front of it, but probably a surprise for people who know me as someone who is extroverted and confident. I think they would expect that I loved being on camera as much as I love being the centre of attention.

But it’s different when it’s putting yourself out there for others to judge. Not necessarily my appearance, as that is secondary in a professional setting (although, let’s be honest the beauty bias absolutely comes into play at times) but my capability. 

So often, we hold close our ability to perform in our roles as being part of our identity to have that questioned or to be found wanting absolutely rocks us to our core. Having gone through my restructure and subsequent business launch - I have certainly found myself on shaky footing with my confidence.

And so, taking that picture just seemed like a bridge too far. Another piece of myself being released into the world for criticism; poking at the fragile shards of self-esteem I was frantically piecing back together. 

The good news is that it just took an actual need (updated photo for networking event) that pushed me out of that headspace and forced me to get it sorted. It only took a few minutes, and a few barked instructions at my husband and it was done

My words of wisdom for the day -  if you are procrastinating about something maybe find a way to force your hand. It won’t necessarily make the experience easier, especially if there is a deeper reason why you are finding it difficult, but sometimes just checking it off your to-do list can lift a weight off your shoulders that you didn’t know you were carrying.